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I know this blog is about mothering, however being a wife and a mother are so intertwined into who I am it was bound to pop up.

I also know that there are many mothers who aren’t wives, and many wives who aren’t mothers.

I have been a wife for just over 7 years now and am grateful for every day, night, week, month and year that I am able to be so.

My husband and I have some friends who are going through some marriage problems after only being married for 2 years. Their marriage hasn’t always been smooth sailing so we, and most people who know them, have known that there have been issues from the get go.

If I could get them to stop fighting and to shut up long enough and sit them down to listen to me I would tell them:

* don’t let something as silly as money tear you guys apart, your relationship and union is worth more than any amount of dollars

* stop cutting each other down with mean words of anger, especially in front of the baby, he may only be young but he knows something’s up

* time apart isn’t always a bad thing, come back to each other after taking a few deeps breaths of relaxation and a few moments of contemplation

* learn how to discuss issues like adults, instead of bickering like children about irrelevant issues or sweeping problems under the rug. When you are calm and ready to ‘discuss’ things as adults, don’t butt in and talk over each other, bit your tongue until the other person is done, hopefully they will do the same and then you will both feel as though you have been heard.

* before you point the finger and accuse, look at yourself and see how much you have contributed to the problems

* okay, so you don’t like each others families, that really is irrelevant and what matters more is the relationship your child has with this grandparents

 

I’m not trying to sound like I know everything there is to know about a happy marriage and I understand how hard marriage can be, but the only person I really care about right now is the little boy who needs a loving, nurturing support system. That’s all.

 

Regards, mummy.